


If You Ever Come Back

by castielrisingabove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergent, Destiel - Freeform, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Mark of Cain, it can also be platonic, season 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 15:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6245410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielrisingabove/pseuds/castielrisingabove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Castiel have managed to cure the Mark of Cain...but Dean has disappeared. This is a letter from Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Ever Come Back

**Author's Note:**

> Now they say I'm wasting my time  
> 'Cause you're never comin' home  
> But they used to say the world was flat  
> But how wrong was that now? -- The Script

Dear Dean,

I do not know your feelings towards me. It would be lying to say your attack was...unexpected. Secretly I had hoped I would have meant enough to you that my presence and expressed care for you could have helped sway you. It was arrogant of me, I know. And foolish, given you do not seem to care about anyone but your family; I should know by now that I am not family to you. Still, I cannot help but feel at least a little guilty that none of my efforts could save you.

It has been a month since you informed me you'd end my life if you ever saw me again. Sam says it was only the effect of the Mark that influenced you to say those things. I want to believe him, I do...but I am very scared you truly feel that way about me. Perhaps not so violently, not now that you've lost the Mark, but similar sentiments all the same. And I cannot blame you if you did. I've let you down, Dean. In so many ways. It would be no surprise that you feel only loathing towards me. At the very least, it would explain the silence that is all I've heard from you since.

Sam's theory is different.

He believes you are keeping your distance because you are ashamed. That you feel guilt over hurting me and you fear that your presence might only serve to injure me, whether physically or emotionally. I do not know how to feel about this, because it would imply you still believe I am of importance to you. My grace is dwindling, it's already clear I am no help to you, so why would you care about me?

But, for the sake of Sam's argument and because I ought not write this letter simply to express my insecurities about your feelings towards me, the rest of the letter will be based on this questionable logic that you do, in fact, feel some form of friendship towards me and you are, in fact, staying away due to guilt.

I love you.

That is probably inadequately written. The timing is terrible and I'm not even sure if this letter will reach you, but I feel this deep within my chest so I will say it again and again. I love you. I love you. I love you.

If you are feeling guilt, Dean, I want you to know that you are forgiven. You are always forgiven. I am not interested in holding this, or any of your other mistakes against you. I apologize if this sounds self-absorbed. I do not mean to pressure you into forgiving me. I am aware I have done plenty wrong and you do not have to forgive me if you do not want to. But forgiveness is one of the few things I can freely give, so I will. I forgive you for the things you've done to hurt me.

Please come back, Dean. I miss you. The world feels a little emptier and a lot sadder without you in it. Which is oddly melodramatic, I know. But in all my time living, I've never experienced a feeling like this before. Like a part of my chest has gone missing. And although I fill my days with other things, with Sam, with hunts, with research, I can still feel you missing. It hurts worse than any of the punches you threw or any of the cruel words you've spit at me.

If, however, you feel you'd be happier without me darkening your doorstep, I would request that you tell me. That you, freed from the influence of the Mark, look me in the eye and tell me you do not want to be friends. That you do not care for me. It might help ease this aching sadness I now carry.

Regardless of your decision, I pray that you are staying safe. And that whatever you eventually decide, that it makes you happy.

I love you, Dean.

Your angel,

Castiel

**Author's Note:**

> Could be read as a platonic Dean/Cas or a precursor to a romantic Dean/Cas. Your choice.


End file.
